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Stage 3 The Omnium

Yesterday’s 2-hour stage did hurt. I felt it for the rest of the day. And I had difficulty getting to sleep last night. Three stages down now. Six remain.

The Omnium has a few really brutal intervals. Event 4 and 5 to be precise. The final event is more like a brutal pounding. I lost it with about 10 seconds remaining on the maximum effort.

Today’s stage took its toll. No recovery. Not for another week.

You know what we love about you? Your versatility. You can Suffer anywhere, anytime and in any way. That’s why Grunter von Agony, Sufferlandrian Team Director, is sending you to compete in The Omnium at the UCI World Track Championships. Over the course of 50 minutes, you’ll do battle with the world’s elite in which you take on the six different races which make up the Omnium competition. From the searing agony of the Kilometer to the frantic stress of the Points Race, you’ll need to dig deep into every corner of your COURAGE for this one.

Stage 2 The Way Out + Power Station

I really won’t have much of a chance at recovery with this Tour of Sufferlandria. Nine consecutive days of brutal indoor training.

I have been working on at least 4 Sufferfest rides a week since October coupled with 1 or 2 Zwift rides a week. Overall I am feeling pretty confident with the early stages. I know I can get through them okay. It is stage 8 and 9 that have me concerned.

Today’s stage? Not so bad although almost 2 hours on a trainer can be mentally as well as physically challenging.

Before heading into the foothills of the Sufferlandrian highlands, the Tour will make a brief detour into Couchlandria. The breathtaking views and soothing narration of the Col Collective”™s saddle-adverse Mike Cotty is simply Grunter von Agony”™s attempt to distract you from the main event. After Col-blooded Cotty drops the base with The Way Out and the peloton re-enters Sufferlandria, you are going be put through the grinder and repeatedly thrown against a wall. Or more accurately, Hit By Wall. That”™s right, we”™re talking 11 low-cadence grinds up some of the steepest pitches in Sufferlandria, bringing the rating to a lava-licious 5 out of 5 volcanoes. Things are about to get painful.

Stage 1 Igniter + Long Scream

And so it begins. The Tour of Sufferlandria.

First up will be Igniter and The Long Scream:

At four out of five volcanoes, Stage 1 is the amuse bouche, a palate cleanser for what will be the most brutal nine course banquet of Suffering in cycling history. Igniter seems tame enough by itself, but it only sets the stage for what”™s to come. They say in Sufferlandria, no one can hear you Long Scream, and scream you will: 30+ minutes of non-stop, stem-chewing threshold effort. Brace yourselves. It’s going to do a long nine days.

I will be doing this stage first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll get through it although 30 minutes of riding above threshold is not going to be fun. Especially when the smart trainer’s resistance is being controlled by the Minions remotely.

Tour Of Sufferlandria

There it is. My race number for the 2017 Tour of Sufferlandria. And what a tour of pain and suffering that will be.

60 is a good number. I hope to turn 60 soon after the Tour of Sufferlandria ends.

If I survive the tour.

The Face of Suffering

DavidSufferfest

He looks friendly enough this David McQuillen guy, doesn’t he?

Don’t be misled however. This man is the evil mastermind behind all of my recent suffering.

I had been suffering for many years from TTBS (Turbo Trainer Boredom Syndrome). For a little while, Coach Troy offered a bit of relief. But honestly, I found it hard to get on the bike for more than 40 minutes or so watching a guy with a stopwatch countdown intervals with a bunch of other TTBS sufferers in the room.

Coach Troy videos were, in a word, boring.

Spinning indoors during Canadian winters is, in a word, boring.

Boring, boring.

And then, I found a cure. I don’t remember how. I must have come across the Sufferfest on a cycling blog. Maybe Fat Cyclist. Or maybe just about everywhere I hang out online to spend time with other sufferers.

Yes. The word was out. The Sufferfest was in. In for pain. In for misery. In for agony.

I ordered my first set of training videos from The Minions Sufferlandrian Ministry of Support and Floggings in November of 2014.

The videos included:

  • Angels
  • Extra Shot
  • Fight Club
  • Revolver
  • The Hunted
  • The Long Scream
  • Rubber Glove

Oh my. I had never encountered such challenging workouts. I mean they were off the scale. Two years later, I rode the Tour of Sufferlandria and it almost killed me. I survived the nine stages but only just barely.

On January 9th, David had sent me a note to let me know about his new secret weapon, the Sufferlandrian Training Centre App. The app interacts with the bike to provide real-time feedback on hitting performance targets.

I signed up and I was issued my Passport on January 12th.

Since then, I have been suffering 5 days a week. High intensity. Low volume.

This is an interesting article on how David started his business. Wonderful to see him bring together his passion, his proficiency and the ability to build a great business.

I decided to learn how to properly put together videos and music, license content, set-up a website and start selling online. Now, keep in mind that at this time, my career was in banking, so it really was just a little hobby for me. I never expected it to become the world leader in cycling training videos.

Pain. Misery. Agony.

IWBMATTKYT.

SufferlandriaLogo

Stage 9: Power Station

Stage9

Here it is. The final stage of the Tour of Sufferlandria. Done.

This tour was so hard to do. I will need a couple of days to recover.

One of my fellow Sufferlandrians over at the Facebook group said it best:

I really enjoy this community and want to congratulate every person for fighting through the Tour of Sufferlandria. It really is a special thing as each person has to fit this in with a busy life that could include work, family and other commitments. Making the effort to push each day to be better than the day before is just awesome to watch. The unique nature of the videos allows each person to come as they are and push themselves. It’s not about what anyone else does but looking in the mirror and knowing you took a step forward to improve the person you are looking at.
Whatever got you here and whatever challenge you face doing the Tour is your own and you are better for it.
Thank you David McQuillen and Jared McClintock for being so present throughout. You have created a special community where friendships and camaraderie can grow no matter where in the world a person resides.
Here’s to suffering in the Tour and throughout the year.

Stage 8: A Very Dark Place

Stage8

Well, that was awful. I would never willingly try that combination at that level of intensity but the Minions made me do it.

The final stage happens tomorrow.

Stage 7: Do As You’re Told

Stage7

Somewhere during the race this morning, these words of encouragement popped up:

NobodyCares

I care.

Wake up. Suffer. Work. Sleep. Repeat.

How much more of this can a person really take? Well, if my math skills hold up, just two more stages.

Tomorrow will be a long and hard ride. A very dark place with nine hammers. Toughest stage on the tour.

I’ll need to eat more of these:

Nails