I Get Mail

On a quiet day, I receive 30 to 40 unsolicited vendor emails in my corporate inbox. Google conveniently puts many of them into my spam folder. I check the spam folder every so often, just in case, and often find interesting chains of emails.

This one I call the Ode to Dilip.

From: Dilip
Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2018
Subject: Meeting request

Dear Richard,

Hope you”™re having a great day!

My name is Dilip and I am with one of the leading providers of analytics services.

Our customer-centric approach, deep domain expertise, and a strong focus on operational excellence, combined with innovative analytics solutions, enable us to help our clients differentiate in the market.

We offer data analytics services which empower companies to monetize data from across the organization, eliminating data and application boundaries and silos, to make the right information available to the right users at the right time. This helps fully leverage the power of analytics to drive competitive advantage and business benefits.Please let me know your convenient time to schedule a meeting to discuss further.

Look forward to your reply. Have a great day!

Regards,>Dilip

Almost all unsolicited vendor emails follow this same pitch. Generic corporate bingo phrases like “empower companies to monetize data from across the organization” and “make the right information available to the right users at the right time” generally reduce a vendor’s credibility almost immediately.

Five days pass. Dilip tries again.

From: Dilip
Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Subject: RE: Follow upDear Richard,

I am writing this to follow up on my earlier email. I”™d like to set up a call to discuss any quires you might have, Please let me know if you are still interested, and if so, which day works for you.

I look forward to hearing back from you. Have a great day!

Regards,
Dilip

“If I am still interested”? Dilip does not give up however.

Three days pass. Dilip strikes again.

From: Dilip
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2018
Subject: Can I block 15 minutes on your calendar.

Dear Richard,Hope you”™re having a great day!

The reason for my persistence is that I”™m confident in our ability and strongly believe our analytics services could really help you to drive competitive advantage and business benefits.

I would like to arrange a quick call with you to discuss possible collaboration. How about next Wednesday 3:00 pm for you? If this Date/time doesn”™t suites you let me your convenient time to schedule a call.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,
Dilip

I see this tactic used frequently as well. A specific date and time is requested. I wonder how many people respond positively to this tactic? Given that all of his emails are going to spam, he may not be aware that I am reading his entire email chain in one sitting.

Nonetheless, he tries again. Before the Wednesday. Four days later.

From: Dilip
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Subject: Awaiting for your reply.

Dear Richard,

I am writing to follow up on my earlier email. I haven”™t heard from you for a while. If you are still interested, Please let me know your convenient time to schedule a call. I”™ve been keeping space open in my schedule, but if you”™ve decided to go in another direction that”™s no problem. Just let me know.

Thank you,

Regards,
Dilip

“I haven’t heard from you for a while.” Actually, you have never heard from me.

“If you are still interested…” Actually, I was never interested.

Dilip soldiers on.

From: Dilip
Sent: Friday, May 4, 2018
Subject: Trying to connect

Dear Richard,

Since I have not heard back from you, I have to assume you are not interested in our product at the moment. If you are still interested, Please let me know your convenient time to schedule a call.

I”™m looking forward to your reply. Have a great day!

Regards,
Dilip

Yes Dilip, you had to assume that I was not interested although you were unaware that Google had placed all of your emails into Spam.

When I retire in a few weeks, all of those unsolicited vendor emails will bounce back undelivered.

I might miss a few of them. Like the ones from Dilip.