Expense Guidelines

A friend passed me these expense guidelines for consideration. Given the economic times, they might make some sense:

Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday the following revised procedures apply:

LODGING

• All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel
• If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites
• Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather

TRANSPORTATION

• Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport
• Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips
• Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel
• Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used
• For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Toronto but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Montreal, then travel to Montreal will be substituted for travel to Toronto.

MEALS

• Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum
• It should be noted that certain stores such as Costco often provide free samples of promotional items and entire meals can be obtained in this manner
• Travellers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries and other food sources available at their destinations
• If restaurants must be used, travellers should use “all you can eat” salad bars
• This is especially effective for employees travelling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group
• Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel
• Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Corned beef can be consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or costly preparation

MISCELLANEOUS

• All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in an effort to save company money
• One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage
• Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits